You Can’t Tell the Mind of a Squid…

This ongoing conversation takes place in the present day. Commodore, or Com, as Leo has come to call him, is from another dimension. He has been tried in the courts of his world for the crime of urinating in a public place, which is one of the highest crimes he could commit, apparently. He vehemently maintains his innocence. (Leo suspects they just wanted to get rid of him.) Com has been sentenced to find someone they call the “only one” from which he is to learn about Earth in this dimension. He can’t surf the web, as he can’t read any of the languages of this earth. And he was warned not to trust the media. Somewhere they (Com’s superiors) found faith that the “only one” would be wise enough to answer Com’s questions. Don’t worry – it makes sense to them, whoever they are. Leo, of course, is the “only one.” He is the only one who can see and hear Com. Leo has taken to wearing a Bluetooth earpiece in the hopes that not everyone would think he was talking to himself, or, God forbid, an invisible alien from another dimension. And for the record, Leo does not feel qualified in the least to answer any questions Com asks. He is stuck in this surreal situation, and he didn’t even urinate in public.

 

In a Hurry

[The two are sitting at a picnic table.]

 

                               Leo

Hurry up. I have something to do soon. What do you want to talk about today?

                               Com

I went to the mall like you suggested.

                                Leo

Right.

                                Com

There was something I noticed that I found strange.

                                Leo

Oh. Do tell.

                                Com

Well. I have noticed that all people are almost always in a hurry.

                                Leo

Yeah.

                                Com

When we rode in the car with your brother, he was in such a hurry that all the other people in a hurry weren’t hurrying enough for him. To the point where he used so many of those words you had to explain to me in a display of fist shaking, shouting, and sputtering.

                                Leo

So, people are in a hurry.

                                Com

Didn’t you say that 80% of people suffer from road rage? And I think a significant number of people in the mall almost had to be a sample of the general population.

                                Leo

[leaning in, a little interested despite himself]

I guess you could say that. I don’t know if that would be the case if you asked a scientist or anything.

                                Com

What I don’t understand is why most of the people at the mall were in such a non-hurry.

                                Leo

What do you mean?

                                Com

Well. I’m pretty short, and I walked past people easily. The people were looking around and basically strolling through the place. I mean it made some sense when they were in the relatively open corridors of the mall, but the grocery store was incredible.

                                Leo

Incredible?

                                Com

There were people standing around, having conversations, their carts blocking aisles. Indecision filled many of their faces. Some of them stood in front of the many shelves with a dazed look. I watched people pick things off the shelves and put them back, then picking up the same product again, putting it down, before yet again picking it up, and putting it in their cart.

                                Leo

I never thought of that.

                                Com

They were like people in slow motion. In every other aspect of their lives they are in such a mad rush that they spend an awful lot of time angry and uptight.

                                Leo

Fair enough.

                                Com

Why do they stop being in a hurry when they go to a mall?

                                Leo

I don’t know Com. I hate shopping. I know what I’m going for, I go in, and get it.

                                Com

You would seem to be in the minority Leo.

                                Leo

I don’t know about that. Now go away, I have to meet my brother. I’ll see you tomorrow as usual.

                                Com

You’re starting to like our conversations aren’t you.

                                Leo

No. I still wish you’d leave me the hell alone. Now go.

[Com hops off the table and walks away.]

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